So, your heart is aching
Girl, we've all been there. But not all of us, as women, have gotten our heart broken by another woman. It is too intense. Is there remedy? Feel free to share and who knows....there is always hope.
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Ask The NYC Girl: So, your heart is aching
I think it's strange that I'm the first to comment on this subject, b/c my heartbreak was so recently, and I am a bi curious woman who is exploring the possibilities... but yes, here I am. A terribly heartbroken lady. Each day things get easier, as it would in any breakup situation (with a man or a woman), but as far as a remedy, I just don't know if there is one. Maybe finding someone to replace those initial feelings? Or maybe just "getting over it?" It hurts deeply. Rejection, deception, abandonment... it remains in the back of my mind every moment. I suppose hearing other similar stories would be helpful and might give me some hope. All I can recommend is that you stay true to your own feelings, because even if things don't work out, at least you were honest with her, and most importantly, with yourself.
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Ah, the pain, the dark, thick and intense pain of heartbreak. There is nothing one can say or do to help those we care about feel relief. What you said about staying true to your own feelings GG, is the silver lining to your heartbreak, no doubt. And in fact, as masochistic as this may sound, it is by feeling the depths of this heartbreak that we are reminded of how deep we can feel and how capable we are of loving. It is a bittersweet feeling when you look back years later, certainly not when you're going through it. But I do believe that sooner or later, your happy "ending" does come. And I'll share a brief story with you here. I remember one summer walking around the city, heartbroken, feeling rejected, betrayed and dissappointed over a bad love triangle I unwittingly had fallen into. Everything felt thicker, heavier, slower. The hot, humid summer weather was no help to my ailing heart and self esteem. It was too long of a summer. I felt alone. I had lost my two best friends to each other. I felt that no one could understand my real pain. I had no one to confide in about this. So I turned to ice cream, at least the healthy kind. I had so much Tofutti back then. I wanted so badly to move on but those three summer months lasted what felt like a lifetime. And then the Fall semester started in college and I met some wonderfully attractive new women. The excitement of new things began to lift that heaviness in my heart. By the time October rolled around, the cool chill of the season brought relief, along with the prospect of the new people and and new flirtations. And so it happened on Halloween night that I kissed the most beautiful girl at this college Halloween party. She was desired by all, men and women alike. We had met in a class and we had been flirting back and forth. She had totally caught my eye too. The night of Halloween, she was dressed as Eve, with a silver serpent belt wrapped around her slim waist, draping the sexy long, backless white dress. She carried an apple in her hand the whole night. And when I kissed her, my heartbreak dissipated completely, for good. My heart just opened to her and for days after, I was literally walking in cloud 9. I remember it being one of the most significant and happy moments of my life. Life is a rollercoaster no doubt. And I hope that sooner, rather than later, you'll be back on top of the world GG. Thanks for sharing and I'd love to hear how things work out. I'm rooting for you.
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7 months ago I broke up with my girlfriend of three years. In the worst possible way. The abandonment and betrayal felt unbearable at times. I spent a full month unable to get out of bed all I did was cry,drink, and sleep in that order, I lost 20 lbs and I only weighed 130. It felt like I lost my lover and my best friend. In order to mitigate the pain I started looking for a replacement at first things were great but than she started to get on my nerves to the point were she mad me miss my ex. Needless to say she had to go. I've decided now to work on myself accomplish those things that need to be accomplished and really become okay with being alone. We can't rush the process of healing a broke heart it takes time and it may sound cheesy but what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger.
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Amen to that my dear!
I hope you're going out this weekend. Many girls will be out at the many events. Great chance to meet new cuties. New opportunities. Thanks for your great feedback and I'm positive it'll help someone out there. Great karmic credit to you!!
All my best.
Mimi.
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I am going through the exact same thing right now. My girlfriend and I decided to try an open relationship and i thought it would work as long as we both understood that eachother came first but she has met a friend who she seems to be really into and now im just getting shuffled aside and i feel like old news. its the worst but tonite was the last straw and i have also decided, what i knew a long time ago actually which is that i have to get refocused and tend to myself and my interests because its so hard to deal with a person rejecting you after three years but then watch them fall for someone else at the same time. sigh
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Your situation is a tough one. But as a friend, I would also tell you that the moment you agreed to an "open" relationship, you must have thought about this as a possible (and the least desired of all) outcome. Of course, you probably thought about it but did not think it would happen. We all hope for the best, always. But someone very dear to me recently reminded me that the secret to remaining happy is to lower our expectations of others, especially when it comes to those closest to us. As sad as it sounds, it would save us a lot of heartbreak if we kept our expectations low. And I am really sorry to hear you are in a situation you obviously did not really want. And in this case, when you agreed to the open relationship, you must have thought about this being the most likely scenario.
Whatever reasons you both had for agreeing to an "open relationship" were signaling that you were looking perhaps for other things that you are not finding in your current relationship. In my opinion, and this is merely the opinion of a person who's huge on a one-on-one relationship and believes in total loyalty, the moment you both agreed to dating other people, there must have been gigantic red flags going off in the back of your minds.
I can relate to the pain of feeling shuffled aside, after having been "the one". God knows all of us have felt that at some point in our lives. I would ask myself if I were you, what is special and unique, and more importantly, salvageable, about this "relationship". Perhaps if you two were honest and open enough to discuss dating other people, maybe it's time you sat down again and discussed how you are feeling right now. See how she reacts to your honesty. You have to tell her how you feel. And she also needs to be honest with you, however bitter the truth may be. My God, if she's not aware of how you are feeling, then you should seriously consider moving on. No one can be that selfish and expect someone to stick around. You're a human being with feelings, for goodness sake! But before we go making any asssumptions, the best thing you need to do is talk to her, one on one, when the other woman is not around. Take it from there. But use your head, not just your heart. If by any chance you feel that she is not taking care of your feelings, you have to know in your heart that you deserve better, and do what you need to do.
And perhaps, if this is the case, then take up your part of the bargain. Go out and meet yourself a nice lady, or two. Start seeing other women. Who knows, perhaps you have not met "the one" after all.
On the other hand, if the object of your affection (and affliction) realizes she's hurting you with her behavior, and makes the effort of acting in some considerate way, aware of your feelings, then you need to ask yourselves where do you want to go next with this. If you really love each other and want to remain in a relationship with each other, why add other people? And in front of each other!! I commend you for even thinking that you were strong enough to handle that. Some people can, but I think they are more the exception than the rule. I know I could not. I'd be devastated.
What's unfortunate is that you have already opened Pandora's Box. There's little you can do to "take it back". But like the Greek Myth tells at the end, there is always hope.
Your situation is going to need a lot of communication, courage and time. I hope you have plenty of the three and if this relationship is worth it, hopefully it'll be something you will both look back at one day and rather not remember.
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