You know, the saying goes, "curiosity killed the cat" and one thing we have to remember is that cats have 9 lives. Right? So, the cat comes back in the end!  And that's the way some of us will feel after we have satisfied that curiosity of being with women, as women. Oh, the beautiful and tender intensity, the connection it's so touching, we become so fragile, it's heartbreaking. But all in all, the majority of us would agree that is all worth it. As this blog approaches its first 24 hours on line, the site statistics tell me that the most visited section is the Curious section, followed by the Heartbreak section. What does that tell you? I'm sure you, being a savvy and inquisitive woman, are probably thinking the same thing I'm thinking. So many thoughts. And what I'd like to do today is to address my words to you my dear Curious visitors.

I call this blog a project because it was designed with you in mind, the woman who is curious about dating other women but just wasn't sure how to feel about that, or where to start, or you're right in the midst of it and are not sure where to turn, or worse, has just been through it and unfortunately, someone left you heartbroken. Each and everyone  of us has been and will be in each of those situations. So, consider it part of the intense and fulfilling process of getting in touch with this aspect of yourself.

I remember back when I was curious, asking myself, if what I was feeling was normal. Did it mean I was a lesbian? And I'd shudder at the thought of it because unfortunately, the word lesbian is associated with such negative connotations, you might as well be called a criminal, thief, child molester, unappealing,  etc.  And perhaps that is the way society set it up to be so that we don't dare to walk up that road. So, I had major issues with the word lesbian itself. So, anything associated with it, I tried to get away from: short hair, funny looking pants, looking masculine, etc. That was my perception and experience as a young "straight" woman back then. My head was filled with stereotypes, trying to follow the rules, trying to fit in, looking the part and being accepted by society, by this patriarchal society. I was trapped inside a world that had been set up for me. I was living by other people's rules. Today I live in my own world, one that I've set up for myself, by my own personal ethics and I feel more generous and fulfilled than when I was trying hard to "fit in" as a straight woman, something which I wasn't meant to be. I still have issues with the word lesbian itself. Therefore I have adopted other terminology such as "women-oriented-woman" or "girl-oriented-girl". No negative connotations have been attached to those terms. But the truth is that at this point in my life, I no longer concern myself with labels. I am me, the person, first and foremost. Who I choose to share myself with, is my business only, and no one else's. And that is very liberating. And I hope many of you get to this point in the journey. A journey that continues for me today, with still plenty ahead, to travel and learn from.

What I have found being the number one concern in bi-curious women is that of trying to "fit in", to be accepted, to do what's "acceptable" by society standards, coupled by the fear of being labeled "a lesbian." Girl, I understand that. Been there and done that, and I'll tell you it's a smoke curtain you have to cross before entering this journey into yourself. It is a journey of complete honesty. You cut out the honesty, you may as well go back to the world that has been created for you by others, the so-called society standards. And thankfully those so called standards are finally opening up to the possibility that women can be together and accepted, though we still have a long way to go.

So, to all the bi-curious women who are reading this, I would like to say, do yourselves a favor and embrace who you are, your curiousity, your desire, your intensity, your love, your heartbreak, continue being yourselves and go out there, do what you have to do. Be fearless about who you want to be with. Play the part, for business reasons because the majority of money and power still is in the hands of men. Work to change that balance of power. But be true to yourselves in the privacy of your personal lives. Don't be afraid to explore this other aspect of your sexuality. You may find it is for you. You may find it is not for you. But you have allowed yourself to be. And that is the most important thing. One major thing I will ask of you is please be aware of the feelings of the other women you get involved with. Please be honest with them. Try not to break too many hearts in the process of discovering yourselves. That is the only thing I ask. For it can be a messy ride when it involves other people's hearts. And it is not good karma. You don't want it to be done to you a decade or two later, because you know how karma works. It all comes back to you, three fold, good or bad.

Do you realize that you are the next generation of women who can shape society's attitudes in so many aspects, including yes, sexuality, lifestyle etc. Don't worry about labels. You are in a rare position to create those labels today. So, go out there, experience yourselves. Create! Don't be afraid of what others think. Do you think Coco Chanel cared? Do you think that Madonna or Angelina care? They are powerful women, unafraid to express who they are. And look at all they have created, look at how the world respects them. Of course not everyone is going to be your fan. It's normal. But as long as you know who you are and stay true, who cares. In the end, you will have followed your own path, and perhaps carved new ones for others to follow.

And for your academic information, I am going to quote some sections from the Merck Manual of Diseases, from the section on on homosexuality. Which as you may have heard me mention in prior writings, it lists homosexuality as a mean to educate doctors about the topic, so they can help their patients accept themselves, and not because it is considered any kind of disease. At least not anymore. So, I will be quoting from this section the portion that applies to women. It is good to know things like these. It certainly helped me understand myself better. Here's a little of the science on the topic.

"Homosexuality is no longer regarded as a mental disorder by the American Psychiatric Association. Society is slowly accepting homosexuality as a sexual variant, but great hostility and prejudice (homophobia) are still widely prevalent. A transient stage of homosexual conduct in puberty and adolescence is common (1/3 of male adolescents), but almost all persons who experience this, even those who engage in some form of physical contact, later become exclusively heterosexual in their preferences.  2/3 of male homosexuals and a similar percentage of female homosexuals (lesbians) engage in heterosexual performance and derive pleasure from it, although they are preferably homosexual.   About 20% of homosexual men and 33% of homosexual women marry. [Can you believe that?] ....Most homosexuals are emotionally stable, conducting normal lives and considering themselves happy.  ....Most female homosexuals have closed-coupled relationships and engage in casual sexual contacts far less frequently than their male counterparts. Psychiatric illnesses are also less common among lesbians than among males homosexuals. This may be intrinsic or due to more favorable societal reactions, or both. 

The causes of homosexuality are not known and are probably as complex as the causes of heterosexuality. ...Unless a homosexual requests help to change sexual orientation, treatment is not indicated. Homosexuals may seek treatment to alleviate distress due to problems with relationships, including sex (sexual dysfunctions are similar to those found in heterosexuals) or employment, and they should receive nonjudgmental counseling. ...In most instances, it is more helpful to assist the homosexual person to overcome the internal homophobia that has brought him or her into treatment. The greater the degree of commitment to a homosexual identity, the greater the person's psychological well-being."

The Merck Manual of Diagnosis and Therapy, Sixteenth Edition (PSY 12, pp1571-1573)

So, what does that tell us all here? In my opinion, curiosity is a phase. You'll get out of it what you need and eventually move on to what you are meant to be, whether it is with a man or a woman. And the more committed we are to our identity, the healthier we are mentally. So, get out there and discover what life has in store for you. Be valiant. Be brave. Be considerate of others. You'll be happier that way.

Till the next time.

Mimi