When is the right moment for that first kiss?

 
Let’s talk about that first kiss. But first, here is my disclaimer: I do not consider myself a certified expert on the subject, but I have dated a lot, and kissed many “frogs” before I finally found my princess. Truth is, all we need is that ONE person, just one, not the whole room, not the whole club. That one person, the one  with whom we can be our intense, tender, fragile, crazy, passionate, loving selves and know they feel the same way about us. And God only knows we’ll encounter so many situations where that is going to be the case but the attraction is only one-way. Then the uncomfortable guessing games begin.

So, let’s talk about getting past the guessing games and how to get to that special moment with that hot woman you’re lusting after. This section is not for the veteran, who knows all ins and outs of dating women. This is for you, the curious woman who’s wondering, how do you get to that precious, enticing and sweet moment you’ve been fantasizing about in your head for too long. Well, my darling, it’s not an easy road. For on the way to this Holy Grail there will be many trappings, and at times a few mirages. For I know some of you are thirsty (yes, you know what I mean). Been there too! But all along worth it when you get to that end of the rainbow (no pun intended).

 I don’t know about you but I feel one of the most difficult moments on a date (no matter how experienced we are) is when you’re trying to figure out in your head when it is a good time to kiss her, because you really want to. After all, you’ve got her right in front of you! And I can surely bet that if the attraction is mutual, she’s wondering the same thing. So, who kisses whom first? Of course having had a few drinks no doubt make us daring enough, and if we’re rejected, we can always blame it on the alcohol, and save face. Right? But alcohol is definitely not the solution, for it tends to have an inverse proportion to your degree of enjoyment of that first kiss. So, make sure you don’t get yourself drunk for this, because if you have to, then you’re not ready. You want to be in the moment at 100% of all your senses, emotions and thoughts.

 As women, we have no problem being attuned to “people’s energies” to “feeling the right thing” to our sixth sense. And when in a date, that is the best guidance you can use. For there is no right time or trick or line you can say. Sure, I could list a few but how real would that feel? I feel the best times when I’ve kissed a woman (and I’ve always been the one to make the first move) has been right after either a playful and fun flirtatious moment or an intensely deep, emotional talk about something so personal, so intimate, the kind that you would only share with the woman you’re willing to share everything else with. You are inside each other’s personal space. The eyes are a huge signal, like a traffic signal. You just know, and that window of opportunity only lasts a few seconds because if you take too long and don’t do it (unless she reaches out and kisses you first), you’ll lose that momentum and then have to wait until the next window of opportunity. For kissing, in my opinion is such an intimate sharing, and the more tender, the more intense, the better.

Now, if you consider yourself too shy or too femme to make that first move, I’d say either get bold anyway or send some good signals to the woman you want to kiss. Take it from me. I’m femme, but certainly gotten past being shy. So, let’s talk about the first situation. Getting bold. If you feel that moment, just get very close physically, touch her hand, look at her in the eyes and give her a light tap on the lips. If that is not a sign, then she’s probably more shy than you are and then I would wonder, how did you two even get the to this point? Ha, ha.  Hey, all of us women, no matter how femme, have an inner strength. Use it. Use it to be bold. I find it so charming when a very femme, shy woman does bold things like that. I find it totally disarming. Actually dangerously disarming. Try it sometime. It may just be a worthwhile step for you. 

Now on to situation 2. Sending the right signals, but not being too bold. Oh, come on. Do I even have to go there? (Just kidding). Okay, you’re shaking on the knees, and you are feeling that great chemistry but she has not made her move. Just look into her eyes. First of all, see what kind of connection you get there. Look at her as seductively as you can and touch her arm. Don’t say anything. Total silence. After that, I leave the next line up to you. Something that truly applies to the both of you, to that moment, to her, to you. But you have to feel it. We women are very attuned to BS.

I mean, if you look at the various porn films out there that show women together, in my opinion, they are so far from the real thing that goes on when two women become intimate. It isn’t about how quickly you start licking that woman (because it isn’t about that!) or how deep you stick your tongue up her throat or how quickly you grab her and go down on her. That is so far from the beautiful and true intimacy that happens between women. Take your time, feel the tenderness surface between you. You’ll feel those butterflies in the stomach. That’s what I’m talking about.

So, forget about what you’ve seen in the porn flicks. Forget the quickness, the roughness, the sleaze portrayed in those films. They are total fiction. Made for men’s fantasies. Trust me. It is not what we expect from a woman, or at least not until total intimacy has been shared. I could safely say that the majority of women want to initially be courted, enticed, tempted, teased, until we’re just desiring completely. Only then, and only when you know that in your gut, you can surely feel free to kiss the object of your desire knowing well you’ll be corresponded to. Otherwise, there is that potentially embarrassing moment. So, don’t rush.

Whoever said that the biggest sexual organ was the brain was right on. Especially when it comes to us women. Once you connect mentally and emotionally with that special woman, kissing is just the next step. Unless you’re looking for a quick hook-up —which is likely to leave you feeling empty later— you should treat kissing as part of the necessary steps to developing intimacy with that special woman you have decided to pursue.  After all, wouldn’t you want that first kiss to be unforgettable? That one kiss that no matter where life takes you, you’ll always look back to with a big sweet smile on your face and remember the exact date and moment in time.

And for a little inspiration, I leave you with some of my favorite on-screen first-time kisses:

Can you identify the movies and the actresses? Classics indeed.

Photos courtesy of various films and TV shows as listed below:

The LWord, The OC, Henry and June, Frida, The Hunger. I recommend them all.