Going from cyberspace to the bars & clubs

So, to wrap up the aspect of meeting women online, for the purpose of dating and sex, please try to abstain from utilizing that medium. But if you must, make sure to use services such as AliasLine that protects your privacy during those initial exchanges. I understand that Vonage also provides alias numbers, for any area code you choose, where it can ring to your phone, but it's not able to differentiate the ring tone the way AliasLine does. Plus also, when using the Voice Over IP option, if you don’t pick up when the call rings, it could end up in your voice mail if you don’t set up the correct forwarding. But certainly check your local Voice Over IP provider for details. Cost is about the same.

When it comes to an e-mail address, many of you are probably already doing this, and it’s opening up an e-mail account for the sole purpose of meeting people online. Make sure when setting it up, that your full name does not display, unless you want it so. I know some people who use only their first name or their initials or just a handle. Whatever your need is for privacy, thank goodness for public domain e-mails such as Yahoo and Google. I tried using Hotmail but it requires you to use a first and a last name and it is not too clear when you sign up. Actually, it is a nuisance to set up. I found Yahoo to be simpler. And I haven’t used my Google mail account in so long that I forgot how the set up was. But I don’t think any of them are as bad or as complicated as Hotmail, which has too many steps during the sign-up process.

Now, when it comes to finally agreeing to meet, please make sure you meet at a public place. You never know if it is a set-up, so don’t be silly and end up somewhere so private that if anything goes wrong, you can’t get away. In these first meetings, there is safety in numbers.

Last but not least, while on the topic of “numbers”, there is a number I need to address here, which I’ve seen pop-up quite a bit on CraigsList. Yes, three-somes. And I want to address right here, and right now the issue of “couples” looking to hook up with you, or worse, women who conveniently don’t mention the boyfriend until later when they have you so interested and so hooked that you won’t care if he watches. Please run away as far as you can.

If you are looking for a real connection with a woman, triangles are very very bad for your emotional, heart and even possibly your physical health. Remember that in these situations, if you are NOT part of the initial couple, guess who’s going to be left out in the end?  What’s more, wouldn’t you feel somewhat used? 

Look, experience is everything. So, if being with a couple is in your list of things you must do in life, then do what you must. But I strongly advise you to stay away from that situation if you want to connect with another woman. If you do it, you must go in with very low expectations, meaning, forget about any lasting emotional connection with this couple, and please be very safe, in every aspect. Don’t forget that you are really looking to explore that path to your inner self, to your best sexual expression, so be true to self and ask self why is it that you are really doing this? Who are you trying to please? Will this ultimately make you happy? 

So, to initiate a relationship, triangles are NOT the way to go. Ultimately, of course, it is you who you must decide.  But for now, when it comes to meeting sexual partners, or dating, or finding romantic partners online, as well as being a third to a couple, I strongly advise you to stay away. There will be more risks than rewards. Be good to yourself because if you’re not, then who?

Now that you’ve decided you’re going to brave the flesh-and-bones world, and after doing your research online, you have decided to go out there and meet yourself some nice women. I congratulate you.  Let’s address the next obvious option. 

Meeting her in bars, parties, clubs

Well, no doubt it is a step-up from meeting women online, but it is still NOT THE BEST way to meet a potentially romantic partner. However, it is a place where you can actually start to meet women and start dating. But again, your expectations of a successful relationship here should be kept low. If it doesn't happen, don't be surprised. And if it happens, all the better.  I know there may be some of you reading this and either nodding your head or shaking it. Don’t get me wrong. If I had to choose between going online and going to a bar/party/club, I’d choose going to the later. For at least I can see the person –even from afar—before I even bother spending any time or energy meeting her. Besides, here the whole physical chemistry goes into play. That delicious chemistry that can lead to other delicious things. There is absolutely no way you would be able to experience it if you were online. Not right away!

I’ll confess to being a pleasure seeker, like many of you are. And so I have to admit that I spent a good part of my younger years at the bars and clubs and girl parties. There I met many women and dated quite a bit of them. And from that experience I can tell you, chances are that very few of the women you meet at the bars and clubs will become a significant part of your life through the years. Some of them may become the most memorable. But, again, keep in mind that when you go to a bar or a club to meet that special someone —and this applies even in the straight life— the chances of meeting a significant relationship partner, are very low. So, keep your expectations low. You'll have more fun that way. What's more, this is a good place where you can make new "hang out buddies". Some of them may even become good friends. I have made good friends at the bars and clubs. And many of them still remain in my life today. After all, remember that nice, savvy women like yourself, end up going to bars, clubs and parties too. Regardless of how you feel about the bars, clubs and parties, remember that it is certainly a better way to meet women versus going online. Of course it takes more courage, but it is certainly more fulfilling than cyberspace.

One additional word on this. There are a few things I would still caution you about. And that is of exchanging numbers right away. So, here I’d suggest use the same caution and tools that you’d use when meeting friends online. Additionally, I’d suggest making more than one friend. Otherwise, if you make one woman your sole “hang out buddy”, and the relationship goes sour or becomes unhealthy, you are going to spend a lot of your emotions in that relationship.

So, spread yourself thin a little when it comes to making “buddies” in "the life". Be nice and friendly to everyone, especially the people who work the clubs and bars. Take good care of them. They in turn, will take care of you. And in some cases I have seen some of them introduce me, or a friend, to someone of interest across the dance floor, or across the bar, someone that we may have been scared to approach. Make them your friends. Take good care of them. Be nice. It is a good investment of your social life in the clubs and bars. They are generally very nice and very real people, more than you’d think. You may even feel a little safer as you walk into these places by yourself, because they know you. What’s more, nothing beats the feeling of walking into a place where “everybody knows your name”, but for positive reasons, of course! J

So, in a scale of A to F, F being failure, I’d give the bars and clubs –as places to meet potential romantic partners—a B- to a C. Depending on people and circumstances. For meeting new friends it’s definitely a B to an A.

‘Till the next one!  Until then, feel free to post your comments. I know many of you may not always agree with me, so dissent is always welcome, for multiple points of view are always good.

Photo credits: Henry and June, the movie; and Clublez.com