Now that the festivities are over and most of us are returning to our “work” mode, it is time we address the next chapter on the topic of meeting women. And that is meeting your next romantic involvement at work. I am not saying you should go out and try to pick up women at work, but just like men and women hook up at work, it is no exception between women. It is going to happen, regardless, whether we like it or not. So, here I am going to address this very interesting situation and offer a few points of view. So, read on. See if we can see eye to eye on this one.

Meeting her at work

Photo credit: unknown

Okay, so here is where a romantic situation usually gets a little sticky regardless of gender. But interestingly enough, the odds go up in romantic success when you meet someone at work. For people who pair up at work tend to have similar values and goals in general, though there are always some foolish exceptions. And you can blame that on lust and chemistry.

First of all, let me clarify that I am NOT advocating sleeping with people you work with. For my personal rule –like for many of you—is: “you never shit where you eat.” Period. However, the rules tend to flex a little when you happen to work at a major corporation, where let’s say, you end up spending on a daily basis about 10 hours, and the object of your desire works at a department away from the immediate circle of coworkers in your department. In my opinion, it could be handled, given some major discretion. It happens everyday in heterosexual situations, and even between people who are married to other people.  So, as long as you keep it discreet, it should be manageable without having negative repercussions down the road.

One of the major things I recommend is that you DO NOT exchange romantic e-mails via the corporate email system with each other, nor use the company phone to call each other more than necessary. I did that in my more naïve years later to find out that my darling employer kept records of every email from all employees, and that my bosses, as well as personnel had access to them!!!  Aaargh!! Not that I was embarrassed, for the two times that I dated someone from work, it was very discreet, totally unregrettable and they were awesome human beings. But it is NONE of corporate security’s or your bosses, or personnel’s business who you sleep with. So, do yourself a favor and make sure you keep it that way.

After all, the unfortunate reality is that there is still a large percentage of the human population that harbors ill-informed homophobic feelings and as much as many EEO laws protect you from getting fired, it is very difficult to prove when someone holds you back for no apparent reason, or you get passed over for a promotion or a raise because you were careless about your personal life and the wrong person found out about it. What’s worse, this could be someone who can have a say on your income, on your lifestyle, on your success at work. So, if you are going to do it, do it very discreetly and make sure that should anything go wrong, it is a relationship that won’t affect negatively your current job situation.

So, that means, you do NOT sleep with your boss, nor with the woman in the cubicle next to you, nor with your boss’ wife, daughter, family, with your boss’ boss nor with your clients’ or members of their immediate circle. And the two worse situations to stay away from are anything intimate with your subordinates or immediate team members (you will expose yourself to sexual harassment issues).

We have to remember that people talk. And when it’s going good you are not going to care. But there are no guarantees that it’ll always go well. So, unless you’re willing to marry and stay committed to each other through thick and thin, just don’t go there. People are people. They’ll talk sooner or later. And people notice things. Some of them have nothing better to do or are bored with their own lives. You don't want to become the latest hot topic of the office gossip circle. Again, don’t go there. Try to avoid it as much as you can. If you work at a small company, forget it completely, unless it is an openly-gay friendly place, or you don’t care what happens with your job and just love adventure. Otherwise don’t even bother. Small companies are like dysfunctional families when it comes to romance in the work place, especially regarding same-sex and any type of “forbidden” romance . Go find a potential mate somewhere else. Do NOT go there unless you’re ready to face the negative consequences, which are a normal part of dating anyway.

Photo credit: Doble Vida, the movie

So, a couple of rules here for the “dating at work” situation.

1. Do not do it unless you are ready to face the consequences (good and bad) that could come from this exploration.
2. Do NOT do it if you work for a small, even a midsize company. Do not. Not even consider it nor think about it, unless the place is openly gay-friendly. Otherwise, the best work-related situation for meeting your next romance is if you happen to work for a major corporation. I’m not encouraging it, but it is known to happen more often and more safely there. And here I am speaking from experience.
3. Should you choose to go ahead with it, you have to draw boundaries. It cannot be someone in your department or that is closely related to what you do. Keep it as far as possible.
4. If you work for a major corporation, you have the advantage of distance. Perhaps another building a few blocks down, perhaps a few floors away.
5. If your workspace is a cubicle, remember that everyone will listen in on your personal conversations. Wrong or right, that is just the way it is. So, keep those personal conversations short, very short, and call her from your cell phone, perhaps from a more personal and private location, preferably outside the building.
6. Also, remember that when you work in a cubicle, as people pass by, they may be able to see the name of the person with whom you’re speaking, on the display of your phone. So, discreetly place a post it over the display when you’re talking to the object of your affection.
7. If you have your own office, then, items 5 and 6 do not apply and of course, consider yourself lucky, but still be guarded. Close the door before having that very personal conversation. Unfortunately, in the corporate world, not enough women have their own offices.
8. Try not to get physical inside the workplace. Yes, there are fantasies to fulfill, about doing it in certain “forbidden” places. But with the whole security issue being raised everywhere, especially in corporate America, there are hidden security cameras everywhere. Unless, of course, you don’t care about the potential career-limiting consequences and you don’t care about letting the security people and God only knows who else, get off their jollies by watching your tape. I’ve visited corporate security rooms and let me tell you, it’s scary what they can see, even when you don’t think there is a camera.
9. Meet outside work. No need to explain this one further.
10. Do not use the corporate card for this type of “personal expense”. That would be putting your job in jeopardy. It’d be giving them an easy way out of your job.
11. Meet at a safe and private place. Even a bar or a club may be risky, especially if either of you two (or both of you) happen to be high profile people at work.
12. Do not make the foolish assumption that you can trust your coworkers, especially with your romantic life. When you leave that job, see how many of these coworkers really end up staying in touch with you. You’ll find that close to none do. And those who do, are your real friends. But don’t wait ‘till then to find out. Just don’t tell anyone, and neither should she.
13. Make sure that the woman you end up dating is at a similar managerial level as you are. This way you are less likely to run into a potentially embarrassing situation of moving into a new department down the road and then running into your ex at an uneven hierarchy. Stay within your hierarchy, if possible.
14. Should the affair end soon, for good or bad reasons, you won’t regret it if you followed these rules. For they will keep you sane, employed and promotable.
15. Again, I am mentioning them as rules but they are more like guidelines because ultimately you are the mistress of your own destiny. However, given my own experience, that of others, along with the mistakes made along the way, I can safely tell you that if you stick to the points mentioned above, you will have a low-risk romance at the work place.
16. It is unfortunate that given all the bias and prejudice against people’s sexuality, we have to “keep things hidden”. But seriously, think about it. If you were to pursue a straight romance, you would also be best served if you kept it under wraps until you were sure, until you were positive that this is the person you want to marry. So, treat it with the same discretion and you should be fine.

 That is all for now girls. Stay tuned. For there is more ground to cover on the topic of meeting women.