Ask The NYC Girl

Friends into Lovers - Part 2

mimi@askthenycgirl.com (The NYC Girl) — Wed, 03 Jun 2009 00:37:00 GMT

My dear readers,

I have good news to share with you. The Examiner.com has added me on as one of their writers, so you can also visit me there. In fact, Friends into Lovers - Part 2 is now published in my latest column at The Examiner.

So, click here or copy the link below:

http://www.examiner.com/x-12141-NY-Lesbian-Relationship-Examiner~y2009m6d1-Friends-into-Lovers--Part-2

I will be publishing the article in this blog in a week. I will give them to The Examiner one week in advance. For an early peek, check it out over there. I will be writing on different topics about 3-4 times a week, so feel free to send me your feedback and questions.

Also, check out the column on the left. We can connect via Twitter and Facebook.

I will be logging on the chatroom here live a few times a week. I don't have a schedule yet, but it'll likely be evenings, weekends and during lunch hour, for any chats or questions you may want answered live. If there is a specific time you want me around, let me know, and if I am available, I'll sign on. I will let you know.

I hope you're all finally enjoying this nice and overdue Spring weather.

More to come for Gay Pride day and beach events. So, come back and visit me here and at The Examiner, often.

My Examiner page is:

http://www.examiner.com/x-12141-NY-Lesbian-Relationship-Examiner

As always, I look forward to hearing your comments and answering any of your questions.

Have a great week!

Introducing Interactivity!!!

mimi@askthenycgirl.com (The NYC Girl) — Sat, 14 Mar 2009 00:32:00 GMT

Hello girls!

I am delighted to share with you this evening the fact that I'm testing out a new dimension to this blog, a chatroom. A few of you have written to me with questions. Also many of you want to know where to do you meet women? And that answer is quite complicated.

As a result, I would like to offer you --my dear visitors-- the opportunity to interact with either myself or with each other in a chatroom dedicated only for this site. This is a beta test, and depending on the response, I will either expand its features later on, or delete it eventually.

Therefore, I would like to extend an invitation to those of you who would like to either chat with me or chat with other women who visit here, to step into the chatroom. You're not obliged, but you never know whom you may meet, and who can provide you with some input on your questions. This is all done anonymously. You don't need to register. Just select a handle name and you're in.

A couple of things I would like you to keep in mind when visiting the chat room:

1. It's a Beta test - therefore, feel free to share feedback.
2. Being a Beta test, it is very simple and limited in features for now. If the demand for the chatroom grows, more features will be added such as being able to upload a picture or a jpg of an avatar.
3. At times, when I'm online and have a moment, I will log on and make myself available to chat with you.
4. At times you may find other women in the chatroom, so feel free to say hello. Chances are you're there for the same reasons.
5. Please be kind and courteous to your fellow visitors.
6. If you find the chatroom is empty, try returning on evenings or weekends, when most people tend to visit this blog.
7. Any feedback or wish list you may have about this beta chatroom or blog, feel free to email me at: mimi@askthenycgirl.com
8. Please keep in mind that whatever is shared in the chatroom, and whatever outcomes result from interaction in this beta chatroom, are ultimately your responsibility. Therefore, please behave as if you went out to a bar or club. Be smart about what information you share and how you follow up. This chatroom is for your enjoyment and to open a channel to meet women like yourself.
9. Lastly, if you're a guy, please keep in mind that this is for women who are interested in other women, not men. Otherwise they wouldn't be here. There are plenty of other chatrooms out there filled with women interested in meeting men. So, if I find out you're here under false pretenses, you will be kicked out and your IP address(es) will be banned. And the same applies to the ladies who in any way make the chatroom unsafe or offensive.

That is all for now. Enjoy and feel free to share feedback. You know how to contact me.

Have a good time!

Java Chat Software

Out and about on the town

mimi@askthenycgirl.com (The NYC Girl) — Sat, 01 Nov 2008 18:22:00 GMT

There are many options when it comes to night time events or parties here in NYC.

Spring almost here! And it's time to go out on the town again! There are quite a few cool parties and events where you're likely to meet the mistress of your dreams.

I have to tell you that at times life gets in the way and I'm unable to list here the latest and greatest events, in time, as they arrive into my inbox. However I will list for every event the url/source so you can go check out the latest updates on your own, should this article not be updated in a timely basis. My apologies about that.

So, here are updates as of March 13th 2009.

Go Magazine, a cool all girl magazine does take the time to have the latest updates, nationwide, so here I am inserting the link that will take you to the latest girl listings around the country, not just NYC. So, have fun!!

Please visit their website for the latest updates on events and girlie related issues.

http://www.gomag.com/

If you live outside of NYC, click on the link below:

http://www.gomag.com/region.php

FOR THE STEADY PLACES TO GO OUT, SEE BELOW:

OPEN EVERYDAY OF THE WEEK:

The places listed below are always open and welcoming to women, so you can visit those at anytime of the week or the year, and you can even dare to walk in by yourself. It's okay. No one will bother you, unless you want to...

IN MANHATTAN:

1. Henrietta Hudson (corner of Hudson and Morton Streets in the West Village
438 Hudson Str. (@ Morton St), NYC, NY 10014 (212) 924-3347
Mon-Fri 4pm-4am - Sat-Sun 2pm-4am
www.henriettahudson.com

A cool club for women. They have 2 bars and a dance floor. From Wednesday thru Sunday they have in-house DJs spinning the latest and most popular tunes. Every night they have something going on. For more information check out their website: http://www.henriettahudson.com/. I'd say it is the place where most women go. Many may differ with me but while the other places are smaller, this one offers the most options in entertainment.

The blend of women ranges through all colors of the rainbow and types: femme, masculine and in between. The older generation women tend to complaint a bit about the "young crowd" on Fridays and Saturday nights, but I have seen a good number of older and professional types hang out there anyway, especially on weekdays during the "afterwork" hours (5-9pm).

So, come and check it out after work!

21 to enter. Credit cards and debit cards accepted, with ID.

Photo and info source: http://www.henriettahudson.com/

2. Cubby Hole
(281 W. 12th Street - @ West 4th Street) 212 243-9041

It is a cozy little bar to meet that special date or just to hang out after work. It draws a very nice blend of women as well. It is small though, but cozy enough to keep you. Perfect for a quiet date, especially early in the week. Can't guarantee that on weekends though. It gets nice and packed and it has a great jukebox with a wonderful selection of music for all tastes. So you can actually be your own DJ. Actually this bar reminds me of the first Cubby Hole back in the 80's. Similarly nice crowd. It's set in a romantic little neighborhood with outdoor cafes. It is boy-friendly but you find mostly women there.

They also have a Happy Hour: 4-7pm on weekdays and 2-7 on weekends.

Photo and info source (and for more info), visit their website at http://cubbyholebar.com/index.html

3. Ruby Fruit Bar & Grill
(531 Hudson St. - a couple of blocks north of Henrietta Hudson)

Also open every night. A small little bar upstairs from a great little restaurant. The bar is nice, cozy, a little louder than Cubby Hole, but also cool. They have dancers certain nights of the week. Downstairs, the restaurant, also intimate and great for a date. The last few times I ate there, the food was a tasty treat. I recommend it.

For more information, visit their website at: http://www.rubyfruitny.com/

Photo and info source: http://www.rubyfruitny.com/

4. Nowhere – 7 nights

322 East 14th Street (between 1st and 2nd Avenues)
212 477-4744
Open everyday from 3pm to 4am

Happy Hour every day from 3pm to 9pm (2 for 1 domestic beer and fountain drinks)

Another small bar with a neighborhood feel. Mixed crowd. Jukebox, games.

IN BROOKLYN

1. CattyShack

249 4th Avenue (between Carroll & President Streets)
Brooklyn (718) 230-5740
www.cattyshackbklyn.com
Open M-F from 2pm to 4am
Sat & Sun: 12pm to 4am
Happy Hour: Every day from 4-8pm (2-4-1 specials)

This is a dance club, with 2 floors, 2 bars and 2 DJ booths. It has an outdoor hang out area as well. Boys and girls are welcome there.
Country Western on Thursday nights. Cover possibly
Karaoke on Wednesdays and open mike days on Mondays (Display your talent)
Jeanie is one of the bartenders (nice girl!)

This is a very popular spot even for those not in Brooklyn.
For more info, check their website for the latest event listings.

2. Ginger's

363 5th Avenue (between 5th and 6th Streets), Park Slope, Bklyn. 718 788-0924
Open M-F 5pm to 4am - Sat, Sun 2pm to 4am

A lesbian owned and operated spot in Brooklyn.
Also everyone is welcome.
They have their own beer on tap. Jukebox, pool room and garden.

Happy Hour: 2-for-1 drink specials from 5-8pm, every day

3. Metropolitan – 7 nights

559 Lorimer Street
(between Metropolitan Avenue and Devoe Street)
Williamsburg, Bklyn. 718 599-4444
Open 7 days 3pm to 4am

Located in Williamsburg, it is off the L Train Lorimer stop. Neighborhood spot.
Free wireless internet

Happy Hour: Monday thru Saturday from 3-8pm – 2-for-1 well drinks (Bud and Bud Lite)

IN QUEENS:

1. Albatross
36-19 24th Avenue (@37th Street), Astoria Queens
718 204-9045

http://www.albatrossbar.com/
(Closed on Mondays until futher notice. Check out their website for updates)

This is another cozy neighborhood bar. Owned by one of the coolest women-oriented-chics I know on the other side of the river. Angel is a beautiful, young entrepreneur who set out to do service her community in the Astoria neighborhood. (And I think she's single, right now!) Though the crowd is not strictly girls, it is mixed (boys, girls, straight, gay and in between) they are very friendly and so is the staff, like a big family. They take good care of their regulars. Don't be surprised if Angel herself comes by to welcome you. Good jukebox, dart board and great events. A must check out if you're in the area. You can basically come in and be yourself. You'll feel at home at Albatross.

2. Chueca (Wed – Sun) (This listing is to be confirmed - so, hang on until further notice)
69-04 Woodside Ave. (@69th Street) 718 424-1171
www.chuecabar.com

Happy hour: W-S 6-8pm
Wednesdays: Soul/R&B and Pop
Thursdays: Classics
Fridays: Reggaeton and Hip Hop
Sat: Latin
Sun: DJ, pool event an dance lessons

I've been to the weekend parties. Nice events. Crowd is all-girls. If you're into hip hop, reggaeton and latin, you'll enjoy this place. Cute bartenders and shot girls.

HAPPENING ONLY CERTAIN DAYS OF THE WEEK:

SUNDAYS

GOT SPORTS @ Henrietta Hudson
FLAVA @ Henrietta Hudson
438 Hudson St @ Morton St.
All DAY - NO COVER(212) 924-3347
www.henriettahudson.com

GOT SPORTS
Daytime: 2pm - 7pm
Lesbians & GAMES.. come on now..
whether it's baseball, football, basketball or games of the heart..they go together!
SPECIAL $10 bud pitchers OR $15 all else/ served in purple polar pitchers. We are OPEN early-- come watch SPORTS all afternoon w/ Jacaria!

FLAVA
What's your Flava?"
Whatever you are in the mood for..
Whatever u wanna hear
this DJ usually has it & she will mix it up like your drinks
CULI is the bartender & DJ!
WINE TASTINGS, Drink specials & "Industry night"..
hook ups for those working in the bar & restaurant industry... networking time!

MONDAYS

PLAY@ Henrietta Hudson
438 Hudson St @ Morton St.
8pm NO COVER, (212) 924-3347
www.henriettahudson.com

PLAY
PLAY is "game night" w/ ITTY BITTY
GAY TWISTER, Fubar, Truth or Dare, Jenga, Boardgames & sex 101 parties...

featuring... ROCKBAND
one a month live on all the flatscreen TVs
Join a band, bring your guitars if u like
ENTER to PLAY $3 competition
BEST scoring band wins all

$3 all draft beers all nite

TUESDAYS

SUPERSTAR @ Henrietta Hudson
438 Hudson St @ Morton St.
8pm NO COVER, (212) 924-3347
www.henriettahudson.com

KARAOKE is back...
Sharpen up those vocal skills... all are welcome..
Karaoke junkies.. semi pro singers.. IDOL wannabe's..
and those who cannot sing at all... those are the best!
w/ Kim DAZY & MC CEE CEE

Introducing halfprice "PUSSY-TAILS"
that's 2-4-1 off our new lesbian PUSSYTAILS MENU- no "COCKtails"
**2-4-1 PUSSYTAILS is from 8-10pm TUESDAYS ONLY***

WEDNESDAYS

TOCAME @ Henrietta Hudson
438 Hudson St @ Morton St.
8pm FREE, 9pm $5, (212) 924-3347
www.henriettahudson.com

TOCAME
Noche de Fuego
4pm - 7pm "HAPPY HOUR" 2-4-1 incl. TOP SHELF
8pm DJ CULI w/ salsa, merengue, bachata, reggaeton, reggae & electronica
Colombian cuties Sharon & Lina mixing up your "pussy"tails!

$5 Margaritas all nite! $3 Aguardiente shots!

WEDNESDAY THRU SUNDAY

(6pm - 4am)
Chueca (In Queens) (to be confirmed)
69-04 Woodside Ave. (@69th Street) 718 424-1171
www.chuecabar.com

Happy hour: W-S 6-8pm
Wednesdays: Soul/R&B and Pop
Thursdays: Classics
Fridays: Reggaeton and Hip Hop
Sat: Latin
Sun: DJ, pool event an dance lessons

I've been to the weekend parties. Nice events. Crowd is all-girls. If you're into hip hop, reggaeton and latin, you'll enjoy this place. Cute bartenders and shot girls.

THURSDAYS

THE JUMPOFF @ Henrietta Hudson
438 Hudson St @ Morton St.
9pm $5 entry, (212) 924-3347
www.henriettahudson.com

THE JUMPOFF
...reggaeton to reggae & back
~ DJ "CULI" will dominate the night w/ all the new reggaeton & reggae beats
w/ a MIX of everything else in between
the classics to todays fresh beats/
all the new hip hop and r&b.. & a lil bit of salsa, merengue & deep house
Resident Djs Kim Dazy & Lisa G will be your mixologists!

BEER PONG & FLIP CUP
in the back bar w/ Sharito
BUY 2 Bud/ Coors Lights.. GET ONE FREE!!! 3-4-$10

FRIDAYS

TGIF@ Henrietta Hudson
DRAMA@ Henrietta Hudson
438 Hudson St @ Morton St.
5pm FREE, 9pm $10, (212) 924-3347
Join our mailing list for updates & discounts!
www.henriettahudson.com

TGIF Thank God It's Friday..
Join Desiree & company w/ 70's disco classics, soul, r&b & reggae.
4-7pm is a blast w/ the FRIDAY "happy hour" after work networking crew.

DRAMA
...after 9pm... enters the DRAMA GIRLS..
all night & especially in the back bar.. visit your x-girlfriends.. your future x-girlfirends.. & your x-girlfriends future x-girlfriends as NYC's #1 lebian bar for hook ups earns it's name!
"nationally known" DJ KIM DAZY kicks it off w/ classic DISCO & fun retro 80's~ then it's reggae, hip hop & slammin HOUSE sets...
ONE FRIDAY a month is GIRL MEETS GIRL our long standing SINGLES NIGHT! "REVOLUTION" is for you house heads.. a quarterly HOUSE MUSIC NIGHT! Join our newsletter for info & dates.

Henrietta mixologist Lisa G shaking up the "pussy"tails in the back w/ some late night private back bar craziness; Newbies take over the front bar w/ random free shot pours & bodyshots! Waiters hit the floor w/ $3 JELLO SHOTS & whipped cream!
mmmmm good!

New Friday's @ Her/She Bar (Event to be confirmed)

La Nueva/The New Escuelita

301 West 39th St. New York, N.Y. 10018 USA
Phone: 212-631-0588 • Fax: 212-244-4706

HER/SHE BAR

Music by Steve "Chip Chop" Gonzalez & Ray Lorenzo
(house, latin house, salsa, merengue, hip hop, r&b,)

Every Friday
The best Latin, House, R&B, Hip Hop
& Classics.

Music by Steve "Chip Chop" Gonzalez & Francesca Magliano

The not so sweet Her/She Bar
Go Go Goddesses

Divas of Escuelita perform @ 2am

FRIDAYS AND SATURDAYS

Great Balcony Bar @ Met Museum

5th Avenue and 82nd Street – Central Park East

Fridays and Saturdays at the Met Museum (4-8:30pm)

Great Balcony Bar: F, S 4-8:30; Music: 5:00-8:00

Photo and information source: http://www.metmuseum.org/visitor/dining_balcony.asp

Cocktails and appetizers served on the balcony overlooking the Great Hall. Full bar. Live classical music. Located on the second floor. Friday and Saturday: 4:00–8:30 p.m

Okay, so this is not a girl-only event. This is open to all public. However, it is one of my favorite date spots. If you work for a major corporation, it is possible that by presenting your ID, you can get in for free, due to corporate membership. So, make sure to check out the Met Museum website or your employer’s personnel office. It IS worth the trip uptown. A romantic and beautiful setting. You can always head downtown for a nice dinner and dancing later on.

Sonic Vision

Hayden Planetarium at the Rose Center for Earth & SPC
American Museum of Natural History
175 Central Park W # 208 (Bet. 74th and 75th Streets) (212) 769-5100

The American Museum of Natural History, in collaboration with MTV2, has launched SonicVision, a groundbreaking digitally animated alternative music show. SonicVision is presented every Friday and Saturday evening at 7:30 and 8:30 p.m., in the Hayden Planetarium at the Museum's Rose Center for Earth and Space.

SonicVision takes audiences in the Hayden Planetarium Space Theater on a mind-warping musical roller-coaster ride through fantastical dreamspace. With a mix by Moby and featuring tracks from Radiohead, U2, David Bowie, Coldplay, Queens of the Stone Age, Prodigy, The Flaming Lips, Fischerspooner, Spiritualized, Audioslave, Stereolab, Boards of Canada, David Byrne and Brian Eno, Goldfrapp, Zwan, White Zombie, and Moby, the music ignites this one-of-a-kind computer-generated musical and visual experience, which uses next-generation digital technology to illuminate the Planetarium's dome with a dazzling morphing of colorful visions. [Another great idea for those of you music lovers. Again, not a girl-only event but certainly worth checking out. You can take it anywhere from there!]

Photo and info source: http://www.amnh.org/rose/dome/

SATURDAYS

SPOTLIGHT @ Henrietta Hudson
438 Hudson St @ Morton St.
9pm $10, (212) 924-3347
www.henriettahudson.com

SPOTLIGHT
It's Saturday night NEW YORK CITY! Best night to go out til 4am!
The stage is waiting for amateur go-go's and potential photo shoot models.
Show us what you've got!
HIP HOP & reggaeton will dominate the night after 11pm
w/ a splash of salsa, merengue & house!
Requestline will generally open with MC Cee Cee by midnite
Come celebrate your birthday w/ dedicated shout outs & your 15 min of fame in the cage. BE IN THE SPOTLIGHT!
We have the cage vs. the pole vs. the bar- you will see!
COMPS & FREE shots available for birthday & bachelorette parties of 10 or more!
"new" VIP OPEN BAR $30 [9pm- midnite] "well liquor & all beer"!
DJ "GEE"; Bartenders Culi/ Kim/ Desiree/ Sharon

GirlNation
Every Saturday night (Still happening!)
10pm-4am - $5 cover - 21 and over - Featuring DJ Christine
12 West 45th Street (between 5th and 6th Avenues) 212 391-8053

Hot Saturday night parties.

Check out this url with more info:
http://www.clubplanet.com/Venues/131049/New-York/Girlnation-Nation

LovergirlNYC

EVERY SATURDAY NIGHT
created for you by "MEGABOY" KATE and
SOFINA
featuring DJ MARY MAC

EVERY SATURDAY! @ClubCache
ClubCache
221 W 46th St., (btw 7th & 8th aves) NYC

11p - 4a $12 b4 12a $15 after
must be 21 years of age or older w/valid picture ID

www.lovergilrnyc.com

***************************************

At various dates throughout the year:
ELMO'S -
PARTY FOR PROFESSIONAL WOMEN
Q-GIRLS

Mingle with other beautiful professional women at Elmo's Lounge.
Meet new friends or catch up with old ones.
Dance into the night with songs by DJ The Girl who will be taking your requests.

DATE: Go to the website and subscribe. Dates vary.
LOCATION: THE LOUNGE AT ELMO'S, 156 7TH AVENUE (NY, NY)
(BTWN. 19TH AND 20TH STREETS)
TIME: 8:00 PM - 2:00 AM
PHONE: (917) 602-2039
COVER: $5 BEFORE 9PM AND $10 THEREAFTER

SHOULD YOU FIND YOURSELF HEADING OUT TO THE
WEST COAST, HERE ARE SOME COOL GIRL EVENTS

A word on Girl Bar. Many years ago I lived in LA. And as far as I remember, GirlBar parties are the best. The women there are beautiful and plentiful. It was so fantastic to walk into those parties. So, check it out. If you have any feedback here, feel free to post.

Below are some of the events out there in the West Coast.

FRIDAYS AT GIRL BAR, L.A.
661 N. Robertson Blvd.
West Hollywood, California 90069

Parking on Robertson Blvd.
or N. La Peer Dr.

For more information on how
to get there, call 310-659-4551

or click here: GirlBar Friday Guest List

There is Girl Bar Chicago, Vegas and coming up soon, Phoenix. So,For more info, visit the GirlBar website: http://www.girlbar.com/

More to come......So, keep checking

Exercise you right

mimi@askthenycgirl.com (The NYC Girl) — Sat, 01 Nov 2008 15:17:00 GMT

To vote

I cannot believe how fast these past 12 months have gone by! You would have imagined I must have been imprisoned somewhere in a high tower in some far away castle. However, that has not been the case. Instead, my dear readers, I will share with you that during the past 12 months I have had to take my own advice and have courage in the face of adversity.

However, I won't burden anyone here with the list of my own personal obstacles. What I will share with you is that like many of you out there, I have faced seemingly insurmountable challenges. I just want you to know that you're not alone and when I wrote what I wrote before, it was from the heart and from my own experience.

The reason for taking the time to write to you today is to urge you to go to the ballots and exercise your right as a citizen and vote. I won't tell you who to vote for, although it is very clear that the Democratic ticket is more aligned with my views and values than the Republican ticket. There is no doubt that historically, the Democrats have done more for women and gay rights issues than the Republicans have. Nevertheless, I won't get into a political discussion here. All I want to do is urge you to exercise that wonderful right you have and make history in this election. It is important. It is hugely important.

So, if you are in a state that permits early voting, go and try to do it now. If you're in NY State, where early voting is not permitted, then try to take the day off on Tuesday since you can bet there will be long, long lines. This is a worthy day to take off. Thank goodness the weather has been predicted on the sunny side. And hey, if you get out early, perhaps you should meet with your favorite girl and have lunch or dinner or drinks at some fabulous little place and celebrate the election.

And if you feel like sharing who you voted for and why (and it can be done anonymously), feel free to share here.

Thank you for continuing to visit and I look forward to seeing you here again.

The NYC Girl

When Challenge Strikes

mimi@askthenycgirl.com (The NYC Girl) — Mon, 10 Sep 2007 02:13:00 GMT

On Courage

As much as we are seven years into the new millenium, and we're not yet living in outer space nor wearing any of those slim-shaping space-style bodysuits depicted in Star Trek, we have experienced many advances from only 100 years ago.

We can now steer our lives and daily decisions right out of our handheld devices. We can browse the world wide web on our cell phones, and fly across continents in hours. But no matter how far we have made it into the tech world, into our new millenium, it seems to me that as human beings we haven't advanced much. As homo sapiens we are still victims to our many flaws and weaknesses. As we read history and literature, as well as the latest headlines, it seems at times that we are even going backwards in our behavior as civilized beings, regardless of country or continent.

But I won't spend much of your time complaining about what's wrong with the world. That's not what this article is about.

Today, we're going to talk about courage in the face of fear. Yes, Fear, that nasty 4-letter word, which in my opinion, is our worst enemy as human beings. And it applies to every one of us who inhabit this planet.

And it would be easy to fall into the false illusion that things are worse now more than ever. Some of us will always long for the times when things "were better", when "the world was innocent", when the "world felt safer". But truth is, as we grow into adulthood, read history, literature, headlines, old and new, we need to realize that it has always been as good as before, as bad as before, as "innocent" as ever, as "corrupt as ever" and as much as many will dispute it, I believe the world is as safe as before, and as unsafe as before. The difference is that today, we have more access to news across the world and cameras that show us video footage we have not seen before. But many are things that have been occurring all along, through the ages, someplace in the history of this planet.

But why am I saying all this?

Well, many business publications and reputable journals have began to talk about the word "Recession". The mishandling of a certain segment of the mortgage industry, they blame, has begun a downward spiral of global markets. And the experts who say the markets are always months ahead of the economy, are adding to their analysis the discouraging current unemployment numbers, and they say the signs are pointing to a likely recession.

So, why would The NYC Girl talk about recession? In this blog that is about women? Dating women? Going out with women?

For one, it is important that we remain informed about what's going on, regardless of gender or preference. Because if we don't, sooner or later these world-issues will come into our backyards, touching our lives, and ultimately crawling into our dining rooms, where we'll have to make decisions between paying the bills or putting food on the table. And as dark and grim as this may seem, we need to be prepared, as women of any orientation. We need to be prepared to brace ourselves just in case the analysts and the doomsayers are right.

And this note is not about validating the rumors out there. This note is about beginning to have a mindset where we are prepared, just in case. After all, we are about to enter the 4th quarter of the year. A quarter that to us consumers, means more spending, whether it is in the new look and clothes of the season, the plentiful parties of the Season, of Holidays, of gift-giving, it is time to prepare.

And should the doomsayers be wrong, and we did prepare, we'll just end up in a better place and with more resources.

But times could become difficult for many. So, if you're interviewing for a job, or thinking of opening up a business or investing, for example, make sure you're looking into a recession-proof industry, such as medical, pharma, etc. The lists of such recession-proof segments are available if you research the topic. Also, try to minimize expenses and keep some cash set aside, and immediately available.

Lately a few movies have been playing on cable, movies about overcoming adversity. And even if no recession were to hit, we know we all encounter some kind of major personal challenge in our lives. Some of you may be going through it now, or have just gone through it, or will.

For some of us it may mean approaching that woman you're crazy about and just can't bring yourself to say anything. For some it may mean facing the fact that we love women and the life-changing consequences of even considering that are unbearable just to think about. For some of us it may mean facing up to our feelings and telling that significant other how we really feel, whether it is time to break up, or time to bring it to the next level. Or simply, time to bare our hearts to them.

On the more practical end, fear of success, fear of getting what we really want, fear of rejection, fear of abandonment, fear of failure, of ridicule, of being wrong, of being right, of making mistakes, are ghosts sitting in the back of our minds, scaring us and keeping us frozen, unable to move forward and take action.

There have been stories of many who have overcome. Their stories have become inmortalized in the movies. At times I find myself watching some of these movies, which have been playing lately, ---actually I have a TV here in my home office and let them run as I work. At times I stop doing what I'm doing, for something is said, something is done, that catches my ear. Something daring, something different about those characters, that makes the movie what it is, a story worth telling. And there is a prevalent common message about them all. It is about getting outside of our own skin, of our own comfort zone, to make a certain goal, overcome a certain situation, and it forces the characters to do things differently than normally done.

And it is amazing to see how many of these stories are based in real stories, about real beings who overcame, who were stripped of all they knew and had to start all over again. And it makes me think. At times we're going to make major mistakes, fail majorly, be rejected majorly, be betrayed majorly and feel incredibly stupid for having trusted someone, or hurt someone, or be hurt or embarrassed, or angry, all in response to some major or even minor event that life throws unexpectedly our way.

And when that happens we have to imagine that the moment a major challenge rises in our lives, it is the beginning of our "movie", of our own story. And we need to think about our situation and ask ourselves. Is my story going to be worth telling one day? Or am I going to sit here and be frozen by fear and let it keep me from moving forward and face whatever the challenge is? A challenge, even as minute as smiling back at that pretty stranger sitting across from you, can be daunting when faced with fear surrounding you.

So, I say to you today, this world may feel more scary, more uncertain, more unsafe. But it is the way it has always been. And if you read the stories of those who have survived times past, we'll realize our challenges are no greater than theirs. And it is those who survive whose stories we hear later on.

This coming Tuesday it'll be the sixth anniversary of 9/11, a grim reminder that tells us the world is changing, and at the same time the triumphant story of overcoming. I consider this event the day when things came into our backyard, because the world has always been as unsafe as ever, and as safe as ever. And as thousands died, thousands more overcame the challenges that such an event brought. Life went on for them. Today there is the potential of a recession. Many of you reading this article are probably facing foreclosure, even bankruptcies, or some scary diagnosis, or job loss. Perhaps your business is not doing so well and you don't know where your next source of cash will come from.

And it would be so, so easy to place our head in our hands and say, "Why?! Why me?!"

And when we're done with that, we will have no choice but to keep walking. For as we sit there, the earth continues to rotate, the minutes continue to move along the clock. For life keeps going regardless of what happpens, regardless of what we do.

So I say to you all facing major challenges out there, don't despair. For in the face of all adversity, even if the world lets you down, your parents, your friends, your lover, your colleagues, you still have yourself, the #1 person you can count on. No one knows you better than yourself. And only you will know what's best for you. And if you don't have the answers, you are resourceful enough to find them. You can be your own best friend, though often we make the mistake of becoming our own worst enemy. Thankfully, it is never too late to make up with our own inner selves and start fixing things.

So when the chips are down, do not despair, just keep walking. Be mentally prepared to overcome anything. And more importantly, not only believe in yourself and the ability to overcome, but make sure you try something new, something different you haven't tried before. It'll feel odd at first, but it's supposed to, for it's not familiar.

I read somewhere that the difference between the coward and the brave is that the brave goes ahead and does what she needs to do anyway, despite fear. Having courage to do the necessary, despite our fears, despite naysayers, is the only way to live a fulfilling life.

So, let's be prepared, be mentally ready and tough for anything that may come our way. And if we fall, well, then we dust ourselves off, or lick our wounds for a bit. But then, when ready, get up, and keep walking our paths. For there's always a next.

P.S.

Here's the list of inpirational movies, based on real and unique life stories that I've watched through my life and have inspired this article. Will your story be in this list one day? How many have you seen? Are there any others I did not mention here?

1. Dreamer (Based on a true story) -- (Look up Mariah's Storm)
2. Cinderella Man
3. Remember the Titans
4. Erin Brokovich
5. Invincible
6. Catch me if you can
7. 300
8. Freedom Writers
9. Frida
10. The Pianist
11. Pursuit of Happiness
12. Radio
13. The Rookie
14. Schindler's List
15. Seabiscuit
16. Titanic
17. United 93
18. Walk the Line
19. Breach
20. Silkwood (a classic with Merryl Streep)
21. Norma Rae
22. Coal Miner's Daughter
23. Not without my daughter
24. Out of Africa
25. Elizabeth (Cate Blanchet)

From your blog hostess

mimi@askthenycgirl.com (The NYC Girl) — Mon, 27 Aug 2007 03:04:00 GMT

The latest update on the NYC Girl, plus other things

My dear readers,

I know it's been a while since I last left words for you here. And I will tell you that during the past 12 months or so, I have instead, funneled all those thoughts and words to one single being, whether it was text, spoken or email, it was mostly to one person. And of course, this left very little space and time for you in this blog.

And now it feels as if I were coming away from a very intense period of my life, where I felt as if I had been in a different world, the world of "Cloud 9", where everything feels more profoundly. At this point, as my feet have landed back on earth, I am returning to the things I was doing before, which fulfilled me and made me happy before this special person came along, and that includes writing to you, my dear reader.

And on the light of that, here's a topic that many times has been brought up and not too often understood. Which is, why is it that when we fall into a romantic situation, we tend to "drop off the edge of the earth?" How many times have we seen our friends do that? How many times have we done that to our friends?

And at the time when we are the ones disappearing from our social circles, certain close friends could resent that. And when we are in the social circle, we miss the disappearing friend. And I have always sworn that when it'd be my turn, that I wouldn't do it. But one thing is what we plan, and the other is what we actually do.

After all, we are all given 24 hours a day, and it is up to us to determine best how to spend them. In the end, when the "love bug bites us", it really influences our decisions as far as where and with whom to spend our limited time. Also, there are instances when we may fall for someone who demands a lot of our time. But ultimately, how we choose to spend those hours of our day, and with whom, is our decision and ours alone. As a result, there is the likelihood that if we don't manage it well, our friendships may suffer. And we are the only ones to blame. For we may be taking those friendships for granted. "They'll understand," we may say. I would say, think again.

I think, that as long as we keep the lines of communication open with our friends, the relationships will survive, especially if and when things don't work out with the "object of our affection", and we turn back to our former support system.

As we all know, when we fall in love, nothing compares to the object of our desire. There are times, of course, when we eventually have to walk away, though feelings may be tugging at our hearts to turn back to that special person. But if the decision made is the right one, we need to keep moving forward, and hopefully our friends will be there for us, to get us through the weak moments. So, during the heat of romance, it is best to keep those lines of communication open. That means, at least a text message or a phone call once in a while. Friends do understand these things and are appreciative for at least that kind of effort. For even if things work out wonderfully romantically, sooner or later we'll return to our old circle, and it is good to know they'll be there because we did not cut them off completely.

That's the issue about friends, but when it comes to our romantic life, when it doesn't work out, chances are that some of you out there may say, if it doesn't work out, wouldn't you feel as if you wasted all your precious time with that person for all that time? All that time, emotion and energy devoted? All for nothing!

Sure! We can look at it that way. But we can also look at it as, well, this was a wonderful period that one can be thankful for. And even though we are no longer in that magical Cloud 9, even though we may walk away empty-handed and with bleeding hearts, it feels good to know you can look back and say, "I gave it my very best." No regrets.

This afternoon HBO was showing Out of Africa. An exquisite 25-year old movie, which I highly recommend for all of you to see. Of course, if you have the attention span of a 3-year old, don't bother, for the movie is long and not full of action or drama, therefore it moves slowly. It's a visual treat, for it takes you to the plains of Africa. And it has so many aspects that many of you will greatly appreciate, such as the animals, the safari suits, the lifestyle back then, at the beginning of last century, and the breathtaking views. Make sure to watch it on a large screen and with surround sound, if possible. Merryl Streep and Robert Redford are at their best.

Out of Africa is not for everyone, but if you manage to watch it, you will agree that one central message of this movie is that we do not own anyone, especially those we love. In fact, we own nothing, for we are here only in passing. Therefore, we can't afford to take anything for granted, for it may not be there tomorrow.

And with that, I leave you tonight, hoping some of you forgive my absence. I do thank you for having continued to visit, even though I was unable to update you on a timely basis. I am back now, having been enriched by a beautiful and intense experience, ready to listen to all of you again and dispense my two cents here and there.

So, keep writing, keep visiting. There are so many other topics I'm ready to talk about. And of course, feel free to suggest anything or ask any questions. Until the next time my friends!

Looking forward to what life will offer next.

The NYC Girl

Connecting

mimi@askthenycgirl.com (The NYC Girl) — Sun, 18 Mar 2007 05:18:00 GMT

A Berry Powerful Device

In my wonderings about town, I see many of us in the famous ‘crackberry prayer’ pose, thumb-typing into our cell phones, SmartPhones or PDAs so carefully held between our hands. Whether it is emailing, texting or looking something up on our tiny browsers, no doubt, our lives have now expanded to reach beyond our immediate boundaries, on to global levels.

There were times when this was thought to be purely a “business pose”, enacted by the busy leaders and followers of commerce, replying to messages of immediate job-related need, but it seems just about everywhere I look, it has gone beyond the suits, and started to dip into a more personal aspect of our lives.

Perfect example of the ideal device, a famous advertising campaign that initially ran in the NY times last Fall--and that occasionally I see in some commercial building elevators-- poses the same question, repeatedly: “Ask Someone Why They Love Their Blackberry”. And as a berry user, whenever I read it, I smile, as my head cites so many reasons. It is something that I could not understand only 2 years ago. For so long I refused to “fall into that trend”. Just like I refuse even today to fall into the I-Pod trend.

But for a busy NYC Girl, with more than two email addresses: business, personal, really personal, etc… you need one central spot where to funnel all your emails, text messages, phone calls, etc. without having to be glued to the computer screen, checking different inboxes or multiple devices. A control-freak-impatient NYC type simply cannot live without it. Emails reach me at the speed of a text message, as they are being sent. And I can get back to people who are important in my daily dealings, right on the spot, as I filter the unnecessary from the necessary. But rarely a beat gets missed when it comes to my e-communications. In my opinion, the next question the ad campaign should be asking is: “Ask someone how did they live without it?”

Technology has enabled the busy multifaceted to become more productive. And for those with “double-lives” there is nothing better. And don’t you go getting any ideas when I say “double lives”, for those of you girrrrrls, you know well what I mean. Our professional lives, our personal lives and even at times, our lives at home. Trying to keep up with them all, and separate at the same time, can be quite a challenge. And these little devices are great help.

No doubt, with the advent of the internet, cell phones, email, Craigslist, Match.com and the likes, life with a berry or other PDA has gotten a lot more interesting than the daily company memos. And now that even G-chat and the likes are enabled for the blackberry and other pda versions, who needs anything else? You know it has become an important personal device when you rather lose your wallet than your PDA or berry.

The funny thing is that just like Pavlov’s dogs used to begin to salivate at the sound of the bell in his experiments decades ago, for some people today, the vibrating or ringing tones of their cell phones, blackberries or PDAs can have a Pavlovian effect on their bodies, their psyche and their actions. Perfect example, when that special someone sends a text, or calls, and your phone chimes that special tune, have you noticed how your body reacts? Do you wonder then if people around you can notice the look of your eyes, the impatience inside your mind, if you happen to be in the midst of a conversation with someone else and you can’t wait to read that message? Thanks to these little devices, unwittingly, we have all become like Pavlov’s dogs, at a much greater scale. We can even now have romances across boundaries we thought insurmountable in times past.

Long distance letters used to take months to arrive. Travel used to be so slow. Only a century ago!

I will never forget as a teen having read the famous romance novel “Maria”, written by Colombian writer Jorge Isaacs. It was written between 1864 and 1867. Despite being Isaacs' only novel, Maria is considered one of the most important works of 19th century Spanish American literature (Wikipedia).

The story relates the tragic love story between Maria and her cousin Efrain, both natives of Valle del Cauca. The characters fall in love with each other but circumstances prevent the full realization of their love. The first hurdle is Efrain's departure for six years to Bogota in order to pursue his studies. After Efrain returns to Cauca the couple is able to live together, albeit for only three months, before he leaves for London to continue his education. Two years later Efrain returns to Colombia to find that Maria has died of illness (Wikipedia).

Actually, I remember reading that the letters went back and forth between them, yet they would take months to reach each other. And when the letter reached Efrain in London urging him to return because Maria was very ill, he immediately began his journey back (which was by boat back then). Unfortunately by the time he returned, she had already died.

How tragic! And how far we’ve come from those times! We should feel grateful that now we can fall in love with anyone across the globe, travel within the same day, if necessary, text each other across the world, receive a love letter in an instant, and be able to offer a reply right away. It actually does not give us much time for thought and meditation, but there are certain matters that go on pure instinct, and when we filter them through our conscious minds, at times it could cause things to go awry.

I was just reading in another blog that there are two kinds of people: the “thrill-seekers” and the “fear-avoiders”. The blogger describes thrill seekers as those who “love growth. They most enjoy a day where they try something that was difficult, or –even better—said to be impossible, and then pull it off.” On the contrary, “Fear avoiders hate change. They just want the world to stay just the way it is…. They resent being pushed into the unknown because the unknown is a scary place. (Seth Godin)

And so I say, these PDAs and other “berry” powerful devices are not for everyone. But I certainly would dare to say that they are for most thrill-seekers. They are the instrument of the daring and the bold. Life’s too exciting to be missing it by checking on your email on your computer screen 3 times or more a day. You’d be missing too
much, or not to be able to have a successful and ongoing affair with some fantastic sexy woman overseas. And then on a whim, buy a plane ticket that will take the two of you together in a matter of hours. All feasible thanks to your handheld "berry powerful device" with instant "push message" technology that works in over 200 countries around the world. What else can you ask for?

And in case you're wondering, no. No one is sponsoring this article. LOL. Perhaps they should. Right?

I sure wonder what would have happened to Jorge Isaac’s characters, Efrain and Maria, had they lived in this century. You know the story would have been different. Perhaps we would have been reading a happy ending.

And while a happy ending is not guaranteed by owning one of these tiny but “berry powerful devices” I can assure you, that certain happy and thrilling moments are guaranteed, if you happen to be the lucky owner of one of these.

In Search of the Ideal

mimi@askthenycgirl.com (The NYC Girl) — Sat, 27 Jan 2007 17:57:00 GMT

Striving for the Evergreen Affair

Happy New Year my dear readers!

It’s been a while since we last have connected here. For this NYC Girl has been juggling quite a bit off line. However, it does not mean I’ve abandoned this great little blog. For there is tremendous value in having you visit here. For even without my constant update, I see many of you continue to visit. And it honors me to see you here. In fact some of you have been asking me what is this NYC Girl going to say next, and when.

For one, this new year, no doubt is beginning to get old already. It’s almost the end of January and I have no doubt that most of us have returned to our old habits, perhaps some of you are still striving at keeping your resolutions.

But one thing is important to remember is that life is short. That what we do every day counts. And whose life we touch on a daily basis counts. For those of you lucky enough to be with the woman of your dreams, do yourselves a favor and don’t wait for Valentine’s to do something special with each other. I really do believe that when the people in a relationship begin to take each other for granted, that’s when the magic of the relationship begins to wane, walls are erected, and we retire into our own shells. So, even though we’re with someone, we feel alone.

Oscar Wilde, one of my favorite writers used to say, “One should always be in love: that is the reason one should never marry.” And I think this is the key behind relationship success.

It seems like the moment two people make formal promises to each other, it’s like certain things are set, and therefore begin to be taken for granted. When you’re in the early stage of the relationship, you take nothing for granted. Everything counts: that look, the way she touches you, the words she says to you. But fast forward to a year or two later, or if you’re lucky to last longer, that “magic” is gone. And this NYC Girl, with little experience in long term relationships asks: Why does it have to be that way?

Perhaps in a way, that is why some of us don’t last that long. For I truly believe one should continuously be in love, feel lucky knowing you two adore each other. Why does love in a relationship have to transform into a routine where eventually you begin taking each other for granted? For those of us with a bit of a short attention span, doesn’t that lead you to cheat?

So, perhaps this is a challenge I will pose to all of you girls out there, courting other girls, or perhaps already in a relationship with other girls: Do NOT take for granted the fact that you will be there for each other. Treasure every moment. For life is short and you never know which moment will be your last. Your relationship should not feel like a marriage necessarily. It is my belief that the ideal relationship should feel like an ongoing romance, an evergreen sexy affair.

Call me a hopeless romantic, but, it is my philosophy to rather live short romances through life –and yes, alone sometimes—as supposed to sticking it out with someone with whom you no longer feel romantic about, and you’re likely to cheat on. Is life next to that person worth that? Is it even fair to them? To you?

Be brave. I say to all of you, go and spark the fire again, try to court her again. It should be an ongoing thing. And if it doesn’t work, then have the courage to end what is not working and find someone with whom you can make it work, even if it means you are alone for a while. After all, when you are in the wrong relationship, don't you feel alone anyway? Moving on and finding someone else is worth the pain of an overdue separation. Down the road, you’ll be glad you did.

When it Comes to Those Important Matters of the Heart

mimi@askthenycgirl.com (The NYC Girl) — Sun, 05 Nov 2006 20:34:00 GMT

Flying Deep

The concept of jumping off, to fly away, and fall deep into something amazing, with no holds barred.

There is a scary moment when you recognize you love a woman, her essence, the way she makes you feel, the way you feel about each other, when nothing you ever believed to be right about love fits with this new experience. The moment comes when you have to throw out your old rules, your old beliefs and old standards, and just allow yourself to experience, to be.

Such is a rare moment of realization that few of us dare to face.

And that’s one of the lessons this 40-something know-it-all NYC Girl has had to learn lately. And as much as it is a scary lesson, it is one that liberates you. For to have the gift of that special someone who thinks of you often and desires to be with you, someone who reciprocates your feelings, someone with whom to share intimate loving thoughts in your life, it is a privilege. One we should not turn away, and pick it apart and find ways to let it slip out of our lives.

Life is difficult and complicated enough as it is. No doubt. And one of our biggest drives is that of survival. Fear of pain ranking high on the list. We all fear getting hurt. Yet, we often fail to realize the fact that if we do not open ourselves to the experience of love, in whichever form it comes, then we’d be denying ourselves the most beautiful gift the higher being has given us. Instead, our fear of pain kicks in and we start picking it apart, questioning why did it come in the form of this, or that, or in this person or in this situation, or imagining scenarios that have not even occurred. Fear.

Yes, life can get complicated because people and situations in life can keep us from realizing our ultimate dreams about this special love, with this special person. But as no non-sense this NYC Girl can be, somewhere deep hidden there lays a hopeless romantic. Yes, I have my rules and standards, just like you my dear reader, in order to keep self from getting hurt. But I am also human enough to realize that dreams can come true, that the impossible is only impossible as of now, that it can change in the flick of a moment.

Yes, I am romantic and idealistic enough (despite my age) to recognize that if we free ourselves from our past experiences, from our fears, from our past relationship failings, and just go in with an open mind into a new love situation with someone, if it’s meant to be, it will be. And if it isn’t, then we’ll just have to pick ourselves up and keep walking, until the next experience comes along. We have to remember that life goes on and that successful or not in our romantic lives, life does go on. So, why allow ourselves to be frozen in our fear of getting hurt?

Perhaps that is the basis for the infamous term “Fear of Intimacy”. And I think we all have it at some point in our lives. Some of us in more elevated forms than others. But there are things that as human beings we need to face in order to get over this fear.

Know and understand well that it is our destiny to get hurt. I have come to that realization. For even if the object of our affection doesn’t mean it, there will be something. Guaranteed. And we all get past it. We all get over it. We all do.

And so, as much as I would love to tell you my dear reader, to go ahead and apply the rules from my previous article urging you to be cautious --for those are rules of the head, of the intellect, analyzing the past and trying to prevent future hurt-- I say to you today, follow your heart. For yes, the likelihood of pain is guaranteed. But the ultimate freeing feeling of being in peace with that, will allow you to experience the now with that special woman. And that is worth all else. For there are no guarantees tomorrow.

So, if you’re teetering on the edge of a possibility, and fear is holding you back, make peace with your fear of getting hurt. Reach out to the object of your affection and tell her how you feel. And if she has also arrived to the same place you are, then you’ll have something incredibly special. For it can become something you’ll be able to carry with you everywhere and for the rest of your life, regardless of the ultimate result. What ultimately will happen between the two of you in a far distant future won’t matter, for what will only matter will be the present moments with her. That is after all, what life is about. Moments. One at a time.

Music, food for the soul, savored by the ears

mimi@askthenycgirl.com (The NYC Girl) — Sun, 05 Nov 2006 18:46:00 GMT

My Hot Musical Recommendation

Music, being such an elemental part of our lives, plays on as the soundtrack of our daily events. And as I was writing today’s thoughts, Kathleen Bird York’s amazing tune “In the Deep” played in my computer.

I bought the album Wicked Little High last spring when she came to NYC to perform. Actually, I bought a few copies and gave them to friends too. Bird York has a touching, alluring voice and her lyrics are rather profound.

So, with her permission, I would like to share with you the video of her song, which some of you may know from the movie Crash, for it plays at the end. It is beautifully haunting.

So, if you click on the link below, you’ll be taken to the video in her website. Make sure you have QuickTime loaded in your computer or it won’t play. If you don’t have it, download it. It’s worth it.

http://www.birdyork.com/media/bird-perfvideo.mov

Wait a minute or two after clicking, as the video has to load.

This song couldn’t apply in any better way to my thoughts in this week’s write-up, which is why I call them “Flying Deep”. Yes, a combination of flying high, and diving deep.

And below are the lyrics of the song.

In The Deep

Thought you had all the answers
to rest your heart upon
but something happens
don't see it coming, now
you can't stop yourself
now you're out there swimming
in the deep

Life keeps tumbling you heart in circles
till you let go
till you shed your pride and you climb to heaven
and you throw yourself off
now you're out there spinning in the deep

(If you want to be given everything
give everything up)

words: bird york music: bird york and michael becker

Hope you enjoy it as much as I did. It is in the album Wicked Little High, and I highly recommend you get it. It’s Hot! It scores a five out of a five in Amazon’s music section and it’s among the top selling CDs.

Enjoy!

Friends into Lovers

mimi@askthenycgirl.com (The NYC Girl) — Sun, 29 Oct 2006 20:40:00 GMT

From friendship to romance.

This is a hot, hot topic. No doubt. And one as dangerous as quicksand. God only knows this NYC Girl has been through it –and more than once—enough to consider myself knowledgeable enough to discuss the subject and pass on some advice.

Here’s my disclaimer though. The below stated is only my opinion, solely based on my own experience, as well as that shared by other women friends in similar situations. Therefore, if you find yourself disagreeing, please feel free to voice your opinion. Many and different points of view are always welcome. It adds dimension to this ever-growing community.

Photo credit: www.clubl.com

So you and your friend decide to cross the line. For whatever reason, chemistry, curiosity, attraction, perhaps a mental connection, along with some other elements that suddenly take you to the land of the lovers, where romance is the fog that keeps you walking, hopefully holding hands, hoping you don’t fall into the bottomless pit of heartbreak, loneliness and loss.

As friends, things were so clear. No fog of romance. Oh so sunny and blue skies. Everything was said, cleared up, discussed, openly. No fears of any kind. You were yourselves. It was fun like that.

But now everything is becoming a guessing game. The relationship has shifted into a more complex level. Who calls who? Is the usual dinner and movie now a date? The emails and text messages are getting hotter but you're nervous now, when in front of each other.

Why oh why does it have to be this complicated??? You ask yourself.

In my opinion, there are ways that this situation can work out, just like there are sure ways to kill the romance and even the friendship.

So my dear reader, if you’re considering on crossing that line with your good friend, you need to weigh a few things before taking that step into the land of the fog of romance. For there is no going back. For things will never be the same, even if you decide to become “friends” again.

Photo credit: www.clubl.com

A couple of things to consider. Make sure you know your ‘friend” well enough to know she can correspond to your level of intensity or of insanity. You don’t want to be stuck in cloud 9 all by yourself or let her hang out by herself either. Couple of examples: 1. You’re expressing your feelings, whether verbally or in writing, and she does not acknowledge them. She either changes the subject or replies with something totally unrelated, as if nothing was ever said. Ask yourself how would you feel if that were the situation. Or 2. For example, you send flowers for a special moment and she takes a couple of days to say thanks, I got them. In the meantime, you’re hanging on a string, waiting to hear. And later when you even bring that up, she gives you an excuse, that you find out later was a bad lie. Again, ask yourself how would you feel. For these are real-life examples, sorry to say, and huge signs of fear of intimacy.

So, make sure your friend doesn’t suffer from this terrible ailment. Or could even perhaps be that you are the one suffering from the infamous “Fear of Intimacy” disease. But we’ll address that subject in a future article. So, hang in there for the rest of this one.

The real thing, that fulfilling and satisfying relationship we all dream about is NOT about guessing games. Trust me, I've been there. It is about being in the same level, about corresponding to each other on equal footing. In the previously listed examples, there are obvious inequalities of sentiment, of depth, of behavior. There are hints of game playing and guessing. And you need to ask yourself, is this what I want from a romantic partner? Despite of what she says, if her behavior does not match her words, stay away!

If you’re the one that would expect the object of your affection to call you the night she gets the flowers, or at least send a text message letting you know so. If you’re the one who’d expect to get a reply about your open expression of what’s in your heart, and would be terribly disappointed if this “friend” of yours is not capable of at least acknowledging that, then do NOT cross the line, for you are only setting yourself up for heartbreak and disappointment. Remain friends instead. And if you can’t do that, then distance yourself.

Photo credit: www.clubl.com

Now, there are other instances when the friendship-into-romance deal has been just the right match. And that is when the object of your affection responds in kind, every time. The excuse of not having time or being tired does not exist, because she'll make the time, no matter how tired or busy. She is sensitive to your feelings, just like you are sensitive to hers. You are at the same level. You see eye-to-eye on those important aspects of communication between two hearts. She always, and always checks with you –-just like you check with her-- on where the two of you are, heart-wise, mentally and with each other, even through the difficult transition of friendship into romance. When those things happen, that’s the right match.

You’ll know it in your heart. There is no guessing. There are no games. There’s no waiting around for a response that takes days. That’s when it works. She’s the one who is at the same depth of intensity (or insanity) as you. She’s the one that when you send a loving text message, responds right away. She does not take hours or days. She lets you know when she’s going to sign off so you won’t be sitting around waiting expecting a reply. She shows total consideration and is sensitive of your feelings. For, if you feel at any point that you’re being shortchanged, you are. She’s not The One. So, walk away, no matter what is going on with your heart.

Face it my friends, deep inside our hearts, we are all very vulnerable. No matter how tough, how cool, calm and collected we may claim to be. We’re all human. Some of us more intense than others. But regardless of depth of feeling or intensity, we feel. Period. And when not corresponded-in-kind you can’t help but feel the disappointment in your solar plexus.

Photo credit: www.clubl.com

So, when being tempted by the possibility of heading into that new direction with your “friend”, make sure you choose well. For the intensity between two women can be of nuclear levels. Know that you are likely going to have your heart broken and possibly lose that friend, if it turns out that the two of you are not the right match. If that is the case, and you choose to go ahead anyway, you need to know that life will go on. That you will need to put it to experience. That such was a lesson. You need to know that there will be someone else that will come along, who will help you heal or who will come along once you heal. There will be someone else who will inspire you again and who will make you feel the butterflies again.

If you decide to take the chance anyway, be ready to lose as much as you’re ready to win. It is a gamble. And you need to know in your heart whether she is worth it. For even if you lose, sometimes the feelings, whatever you two shared in that moment of vulnerability, was indeed worth the pain of loss later. That is your silver lining. Be ready to lose and move on.

And if it DOES work out. If she turns out to be your princess, with whom you ease into the land of fog and romance, without guessing games, without disappointments, then consider yourself lucky. Consider yourself blessed. For those relationships, those special women perhaps only come into our lives about once. You’re lucky if it happens more than that.

Falling in love with a friend and becoming the best of lovers is one of the greatest gifts life can offer to us. So, pray for the right person. For it can happen.

Music...Food for the Soul..Savored by the Ears

mimi@askthenycgirl.com (The NYC Girl) — Sun, 29 Oct 2006 19:52:00 GMT

Music the NYC Girl recommends:

Wow! There are so many wonderful new artists out there, and new music by the well-known ones.

So appropriate, tonight, as I was listening to Syrius Chill Out channel, the coolest tune played. So appropriate to the theme of stepping into Quicksand, which I was just writing about. Have you girls heard the tune "Quicksand" by Natalie Walker and the Thievery Corporation? What a great song!

To listen, check it out by clicking here (no need to download): http://hype.non-standard.net/track/150007
Just click on play.

Her MySpace blog is great. She is definitely up-and-coming. The lyrics of this song, amazing. Available at her blog.
http://www.myspace.com/nataliewalkermusic

I highly recommend that you check out Quicksand by Natalie Walker and the Thievery Corporation--if you like ChillOut music.

I believe she's performing at the Roxy in the West Coast on November 15th @8pm. So, if you're out there and want to see her, this will be your opportunity. Hope you can make it.

Where I have been

mimi@askthenycgirl.com (Mimi) — Fri, 04 Aug 2006 02:53:00 GMT

Living In MadonnaLand

Photo credit: www.madonna.com

My dear readers….

My greatest apologies for not having kept up with you in cyber space for the last 2 weeks. It feels like such a long time.

Where has this NYC Girl been? Some of you wonder….

Well, while no excuse is reasonable, I do want to share with you that for the past few weeks I’ve been living in Madonnaland.

Photo credit: AskTheNYCGirl.com

Madonnaland you say?? Okay, please don’t be pathetic Mimi, some of you cynical NYC girls may say.

All I ask is that you hear me out on this one. It deserves a good read from you. So, I ask you keep your mind open for a few minutes and let me tell you what I see.

Photo Credit:
http://www.columbia.edu/itc/law/witt/raw_images/
lect2/queen_elizabeth_armada_portrait.jpg

There are three major women in history, which I personally admire. One is Queen Elizabeth the First, Henry the VIII’s second daughter who ascended to the throne in the midst of so much controversy and death threats. Yet, despite the fact that she was “a woman” and one that refused to marry a man in order to establish her legitimacy as a ruler, she was the best thing that happened to England. Under her, the Renaissance flourished in England, William Shakespeare did his thing, England took over Spain as the world’s most powerful nation, and her reign was a period of abundance and peace. She took England out of the dark ages and put it right in the center of the world where it eventually became the United Kingdom. For those of you who haven’t seen the movie Elizabeth with the gorgeous Cate Blanchet, I urge you to please watch it. No girl-on-girl action on this movie, but truly a beautiful movie. Also, Shakespeare in Love compliments it.

Photo Credit:
http://www.bbc.co.uk/portuguese/especial/images/1751_chanel/5171526_chanel01.jpg

The next woman I admire is Coco Chanel. She took women’s fashion and apparel also out of the dark ages. Before Coco Chanel, at the turn of the century, only men were designing our clothes and choosing our fragrances. Before she came along, we had to dress in these little long dresses that were tight at the waist and were a total production to put on AND take off. Remember the movie Titanic? Those dresses. Shorts, pants, forget it. Unheard of. She liberated women’s bodies by making quite a few taboos very fashionable for women: the Chanel suit, with its skirt and jacket, the pant suit –which was a no-no for women--, smoking for women in public, yes, she made it very fashionable, suntans, which were considered low brow before her, became the rage. Then the pearls, the crosses, the black and white, all inspired by her early years where she and her sister were raised in a convent. And she was the first woman to choose a fragrance for us. And her first fragrance ever, was No. 5. One important aspect about Ms. Chanel is that despite her affairs with men, she also loved women.

Photo Credit: www.madonnalicious.com

The third woman to come along, who keeps breaking taboos and reinventing herself is Madonna. She is always at the lead of some trend, idea or fashion, or she just presents a different point of view. And though many despise her for being different, so many of us adore her for being daring to do so. Because just like Elizabeth the First, just like Coco Chanel, Madonna has many critics and people who probably wish she did not exist. However, for each one of those, there are thousands of us who are grateful she exists, who see what she has done, the barriers she has broken, as a woman, as an entertainer, as a businesswoman, and we admire her for that. We admire her because she has shown us that it can be done. I know I see it. And out of the three women who have made history, who have inspired me, she is the only one who’s alive today. Of course, there are a few others, who are alive today, whom I admire as well, such as Oprah and Salma Hayek, and then the dead artists such as Frida and Anais Nin, but the reach and impact of women like Elizabeth the First, Coco Chanel and Madonna has no comparison.

Photo credit: www.madonna.com

So, what has Madonna really done that makes so many of us admire her? She did not bring a country out of the darkness. She did not bring women’s fashion to a new era. She has broken and continues to break misconceptions, perceptions, taboos. At 47 years of age, she looks better than ever. Who would ever believe it back in the early 80’s when this girl with the high pitched voice singing the likes of Like a Virgin or Borderline, a little chunky back then, would become the most successful female entertainer in the whole world, with a body to kill or kiss at 47!!. Not only does she keep reinventing herself every time, but every time she does it, she has a new message for us. And if we’re paying attention, it is there, in her lyrics, in her music, in her videos.

Photo credit: www.madonnalicious.com

Her latest Concert Tour, Confessions, the first Madonna concert I have ever gone to –because I am NOT a concert goer--, has left me wanting for more. If I had the means and the time, I’d follow her throughout the world as she does the Confessions tour. An amazing entertainer indeed she is. Many mistakenly have judged her beautiful depiction of A Tale to Tell, when she appears crucified. If you look at the videos behind her, her message is that of suffering around the world: famine, war. That’s the tale she wants to tell us this time around. Her concert had so many aspects, equestrian, leather, lace, rock-and-roll, politics, gymnastics, disco. Talk about entertainment. So, sadly, her concerts in the USA are over. But if you can, try to catch her in London, Paris, Amsterdam and ultimately in Tokio at the end of September. She is so worth seeing. She is such a legend already, a legend that we are lucky to still have around in this world. Ms. Madonna embodies the dreams of many.

Photo credit: www.madonnalicious.com

One of my favorite moments in her concert at Madison Square Garden was when she sat down for a moment and talked to us, her fans. She said how special New York is to her, because this was the place where she started. She mentioned those who believed in her and supported her and thanked them. She also thanked those who didn’t believe in her, and who knocked her down. But “fuckers”, she said in the end. The crowd went wild. That was so Madonna. Irreverent, groundbreaker, beautiful, inspiring and yet, deep inside still a tender, sensitive soul behind that tough New Yorker shell. Oh yes, and by the way, in case some of you have buried your head in the sand for the past 2 decades, Madonna has also loved women.

I have been lucky to have personally had encounters with Ms. Madonna, many years ago when I frequented clubs like The Sound Factory and Pandora’s Box. I had the opportunity to look into her eyes and see HER. I’ve been hooked since then. So I can say I’ve had the honor to meet one of my role models.

Photo credit: AskTheNYCGirl.com

As imperfect as all human icons are, they have taken leaps that few of us would only dream of. Madonna may inspire some of you who are reading this. She may not inspire some of you at all. But for whatever is worth, I hope you, my dear reader, have someone in your life who inspires you. And whoever that is, make sure to learn about them, make contact, learn from them and honor them by doing whatever it is they inspire you to do. For one day, you may be the one inspiring someone too.

Photo credit: www.madonnalicious.com

And if you want to see more pictures from Madonna’s concert, I’m leaving a few copies of my own here for you to enjoy. If you want more, visit www.madonnalicious.com. That is such a great fan site, where they keep posting great shots of her concert tour. Enjoy!

Photo credit: AsktheNYCGirl.com

And one last one that I found somewhere in the west village, worth sharing.

Photo credit: AsktheNYCGirl.com